CRAZY is not a word to be used lightly here...

i am in a relationship that is at once confining and freeing. I find that the free spirit poarts of me are being tied down and the once suppressed parts are being released. Does this mean I am becoming whole or falling apart? Is this what love is? Or is it something deeper, more connected? I think I love this person but do I really know what that means? My best friend. We talked about everything, at least until we became physically involved. Now I find myself caring too much about what the other thinks...and adjusting my conversation around that instead of being totally open and honest. I talk in a circular fashion. My everydays are wrapped up in this, but there seems to be less of me in here. To take on this person requires that I shoulder a huge amount of responsibility and quite possibly lose the chance for something better (Which may or may not exist). Quite frankly I am quite taken with this person, but can't seem to picture spending the rest of my life with them.

Dealing with a lot of heavy duty flashbacks lately, due to therapy maybe. Some memories are very new and disturbing. I keep losing time. My best friend was with me during a couple and said that the one was 45 min long and the next was almost two hours. I have started getting them while I am driving my truck at work and so far been able to refocus enough to work but with great difficulty.

I am moving in with said best friend next week since my lease is up here and my landlord won't settle for anything less than a year lease. I really don't like him (landlord) and I can't see me staying here for another year. :(

I know that the few of you who still check this blog will probably have some questions. Please email me if they are personal. Just thought I would post what has been going down.