No one may read or understand this....

Its more for my own working out of things. It has been a long and semi-lonely road for me the last two years friend-wise. I miss my friends. I miss fellowship. I LOVE MY WIFE. She has been the only major light in an otherwise crazy, dark world. I have had a few friends stick by me thru thick and thin. Most want only a nominal relationship with me. As if once I was gay all of a sudden I couldn't possibly be the same deeply spiritual and loving person. Somehow I became a shallow sinner whose thoughts are dark in the eyes of most of my Christian friends. And yes it hurt. But I understand. I stood where you stand on the other side. But what I discovered is that it hasn't been a choice or a "lifestyle", it has been the most real thing ever to happen to me, next to God making himself real to me and turning my world from black to color. My heart aches to tell my friends in MD at my old church. I miss them and would love to share what amazing things God has done for me. I would love to go visit them, but only if I could be myself and not feel like I would have to hide the greatest joy in my life (my wife)! We have been married since Dec 2007 and just legally in CA Aug 1st of this year. I have 5 step-kids, but only two are left at home and they bring joy every day. I have been through major surgery and have been off work for over 4 months recovering. Lost a lot of hair and weight too! My outlook on life is different and in general I am so joyful and thankful every day for April (my wife)! GOD IS SO GOOD!!! We see his provision every day. I have known April for almost 3 yrs now and I could not ask for a more wonderful and supportive partner and wife.