Too early or too late?

I don't know what this hour of the night constitutes.
All I know is I am wide awake and in pain.

I just heard a gunshot. Welcome to Albuquerque. Sounded like a Glock 9mm.

Anyway, I am in the process of listening to this audio book, "He Loves Me". It talks about our relationship with God and how we often approach the subject of God's love with the childlike game of "He loves me, he loves me not" We analyze the various circumstances in our lives by saying, "I got a promotion (He LOVES Me!) My car broke down (He loves me NOT!)"

As Jerry Bridges describes it in his "Disciplines of Grace" a good day/bad day view of our worthiness to approach God.
CJ defines it as trying to keep all the plates spinning and not drop a single one.

I am having more days where I don't notice if plates are breaking and I leave all the daisies in the meadow, untouched.
Something is transforming me. Sometimes I worry about the fact that I am not concerned about not worrying. But it all is part of God's rest for me at this time. After all, as my mother is fond of saying, "I am a human BEING, not a human DOING."

Does it disgrace God that I am sick? IS it making a black mark on His name? Rather, as with the man blind since birth, it is FOR HIS GLORY. That God may become more in my life.