A Living Tribute

My mother is really sick again.

I always think of a thousand things to ask her when she is sick and I never ask because she can't talk very easily. Then when she is better and I am not so worried... I forget. I wish I could remember every detail of her history. If I could I would ask her about her family and things she likes and remembers about life. I would ask about what major turning points there have been in her spiritual life. I would learn all I that I could about how she does her artwork and what ideas she has. Could I dare ask if she realizes how much she is loved? I would love to tell her that she has been a spiritual rock for me through hard times...that her prayers are priceless and that I have appreciated her guidance (maybe not at the time, but I do now) through the years.

I would tell her that her life was not wasted, and that she was a big reason I have turned out the way I did. That her legacy as a generous, insightful, passionate, adventurous, spontaneous, and beautiful woman will live on as I tell it to my children and anyone who will listen. The things she sowed years and years ago are now coming to fruition. I want her to know that her life is complete as it is. There is no longer a need to meet unrealized (or unrealistic) expections or striving to perfection. I don't deny that we have had some issues and we are not perfect, but I know that God has been and will be faithful to work through these clay vessels, such as we are. It is the imperfections that make us unique and at the same time place us alongside everyone else. Those imperfections had an adverse impact on my life at times, but God is the one who has made everything new.

I love you mom.

I know your life has been hard and cold at times. I can only begin to understand how much you have suffered over the years through your illness, continuously drowning yet living. I am happy to learn you love horses and you think that the simplest things are beautiful. Thank you for your faithfulness to your God and your family. Your body may be broken but you are so free now in many other ways. I am praying for you, for peace and for healing.