Reading over my own blogs lately I realized that I have written very little about what is really going on inside me. Most of it is external and mental figuring out things. Going by what I know and not neccessarily emotional about anything. Which isn't bad. It is good not to live by feelings and emotions. But I believe I have checked almost all emotion at the door when I moved here, probably out of habit of defense. However there isn't much to "defend" anymore and yet I still find myself so reserved.

This results partly from everyone else around me hurting so much that I can't very well express what would normally be apparent. I feel for them, pray for them, and try to not get in the way. BUT yet again I am hedging my bets, aren't I? Playing it safe if you will. I try and rock the boat, but deny I am making waves. :) blah.

I miss God. I miss fellowship. I miss me (who I really am). I have hope that God will swing that pendulum and center me again. How long oh Lord?