I almost bought a gun...

This thing with my family has turned into quite the saga. I know I didn't write much the last couple of weeks. It was partly because I didn't have internet for almost a month and partly because I haven't had a clue on what to even say about this whole situation. The short of it is this:

It started in February. Strike that...it really started when I was a young child, but I won't write about that here. Anyway, I confronted my dad on some very inappropriate behavioir and now my mother has taken up my dad's cause *read: "Whaddid I do?"*.

Now my mom blames my sister and I for messing up HER life and making her do this. She wants me and Abi to apologize to dad for making his life miserable. She refuses to see my sister or her kids and when she asked what does my mom want her to tell them she responded, "Tell them I'm dead". They are pulling up stakes (like they always do when life gets rough) and moving to Las Vegas. They are running again. Last week I had a 7 and a half hour conversation with my mom in which she stated that she has no hope for these relationships and she is very angry. She feels lied to and cheated on (duh) and she blamed me for not telling her more when I was 16. Like the one very serious incident I did tell her about wasn't enough. She blames me for being stuck in her marriage, for her not being able to talk about this because I told her years ago not to (which btw, I don't remember ever saying). She says that this is all Satan's doing, to try and wreck our family and that I am the devil's tool right now and all she can do is pray that "I see the light".

You know my only real request in this whole thing was that dad face his sin and repent with accountability. Mom says dad is willing "to do whatever it takes to get you back" and that he blah blah blah.

Fuck this. Just give me a gun. On second thought I'll go buy one, so they know who to come after. Sorry i am only half kidding. I am just sick of being in pain, dealing with flashbacks, sadness, pain, grief, and more pain. Just God please, I need a break.