Plastic Fruit

I went to church tonight. I have been going a lot lately. Seems I am hungry for real fellowship, but balk at the thought of opening up and being vulnerable. Tonight they were talking about Acts 20 and comparing it to DL Moody's 7 things he asked of God (i.e., to be a humble man, to love the lost, to be a man of prayer, without the love of money, etc.) It got me thinking about the fact that as a whole I believe I am an intercessor. I have had quite a habit of praying for people in general. Something happened today in a conversation I had with a good friend. I was telling her to pray for my mother who is extremely ill again and she asked if I had pled the blood of Jesus over her. My first reaction was not good. I was incredulous. I thought for just a moment, "I dont' believe in that stuff" and just as that thought passed through another followed. "You used to."

hmmm

so back to tonight. We had a time of prayer and I was thinking about how I got to where I was. I had a picture of being really hungry and at one point being satisfied. Then the next scene was a smile plastered on my face, hungry once more, but this time I was putting fruit and other very appetizing food behind glass (as in a display case or hutch. Pretty soon my room was full of this food, but my stomach was rumbling.

Contemplating why I was going to church so often, I realized that I was really hungry. "But what does the fruit behind glass mean, Lord?" Am I satisfied just eating a shadow of the real thing by eating the equivelant of plastic fruit? Why is the food behind glass? God told me that ever since I moved home I was placing the fruit of what he had done in a display case to protect it and to show it off. But the joy of eating and being satisfied was no longer there. oh.

I cried and asked the Lord to please bring me someone I could talk to. I feel as if I am attending all this without any true fellowship. I need someone to bounce things off of. Someone who isn't diametrically opposed to church (like my folks), yet someone who is real and down to earth. Then I spent an hour talking to my friend, who has only recently been more than skin deep in conversation. God is good.